When I first started losing pounds - after the first ten or twelve easy ones - I was amazed to find myself appreciating the "hunger pangs" I occasionally felt. They were honest; they were not a blood sugar crash precipitated by an unbalanced, crappy meal and an out of whack insulin response. Hunger was empowering and invigorating.
Hunger was an affirmation that I was accomplishing a long sought-after goal.
But I'm struggling these days - still healthier than ever, still running and training for a half-marathon (32 days and counting), still love seeing the thinner, vibrant face in the mirror - but damn I am slipping back into the old habit of kow-towing to my hunger!! The slightest twinge of hunger and I start thinking of food.
And of course work time is the worst time: even when I have healthy meals and healthy snacks available to me, I still manage to down a few handfuls of candy, a brownie...even a good old fashioned sugary Pepsi! The food culture where I work is very generous to a snack-junkie. It's a good thing I only work four days a week!
I'm even back to lying to myself: if I don't eat that extra piece of pizza now, I'm just going to get hungry later and eat twice as much. If I allow today to be a "treat day", I'll get back in gear tomorrow...or maybe the next day. Hell, it's the weekend, I'll get my focus back on Monday. A Snickers bar will make me feel all better after that last ugly phone call...blah, blah, effing blah.
Liar!
I want my focus back - NOW; I want to get back in gear - NOW; I want the good hunger pangs back, the ones I called my friends. I want the unerring strength and power those hunger pangs gave me, the feeling of subjugating a transient and false craving in service to a slimmer, stronger, healthier body.
I want to stop lying to myself and get back to fixing myself - inside and out.
What if, instead of mere day to day existence, what if I...lived?
Dude, I hear ya. It's been a great weekend, yet a rough one. I have not been disciplined in the food department either. Difficult, but not impossible.
ReplyDeleteIn light of that impossibility, I found this quote that will stick with me for a long time. It's now on my fridge. Strangely from Audrey Hepburn.
"Nothing is Impossible. The word itself says, "I'm Possible."
I am planning and praying for a reboot this week and to start back at it again, as you are. Keep persevering man. Love your heart to live long and prosper. Mark
Do you keep a food journal- it doesn't work for me but maybe you could try it. I think our bodies get use to running, etc much quicker than we think....I haven't lost a pound in doi g all this ..the white stuff as you called it in your post below...imhave a sugar addiction and a running addiction but sadly one out weighs the other...
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