There are days that I love my new shape
and slimmer clothes and powerful reserves of energy. But this journey has come
at some cost. I have outlined below the top five reasons I have some misgivings
about this new lifestyle I am living. Now I don’t know if all “thin” people
deal with these issues, but they are factors to consider before diving into a
get healthy regimen.
Number 5: N.F.E. Syndrome
You know how occasionally you sleep with
your ear flap folded over? And how when you wake up and “unfold” it, it slowly
comes back to life? And as blood-flow is restored, it fills with excruciating
pain? Yeah that. It happens to me nearly every night now, occasionally several
times per night!
I call this Nocturnal Folded Ear
Syndrome and I have yet to figure out the whys and wherefores of it. Perhaps
the geometry of my head changed—the geometry of my throat has changed and I no
longer snore, much to Minda’s relief. The geometry of my chest/abdomen has
changed as well and I no longer experience the chronic heartburn/GERD that used
to plague me.
I suppose another possibility is that I
now sleep so deeply (the lack of a CPAP mask strapped to my face is very
conducive to deep sleep) I am blissfully unaware of the folded ear syndrome
taking place before it’s too late. Whatever the cause, NFE Syndrome is
something to take into consideration if your plan is to lose excess weight for
health reasons – your ears may pay the price for your decision!
Number 4: Freezing Phalanges
There was a time, about 89 pounds ago, when
I could barely conceptualize the idea of feeling cold. I seemed able to skate
(not ice or roller, just slide on through) Minnesota’s winters with only a
vague sense of cold. Those days are over.
Even in early spring (or late winter as
the case may be – 2013 comes to mind) as I prep myself for a run or bike ride, I
run through my mental list of must haves: two pairs of socks, thick gloves,
knit cap if running, hoodie if riding (and of course, adjust the straps on the
helmet to accommodate the hoodie’s thickness), thick but loose jacket over
shirt. Sadly, it seems the cold seeking my fingers and toes like water seeks
rice usually wins the battle anyway. Mayhaps I'm just getting old.
And it’s not just my extreme
extremities; I feel the cold all over, like a subcutaneous layer of insulation
has been eliminated in the last 18 months or so. Suddenly I am susceptible to
the human experience of cold! And I feel so Mr. Roger-esque when I arrive to my
office: off comes the heavy jacket and on goes the sweater (actually, it’s my
Monster Dash Half-Marathon Finisher’s running jacket complete with
thumb-holes). I even wear my (other) Monster Dash jacket at home. To think I
used to sweat just couch-sitting. In the living room. Watching television.
Not anymore.
Number 3: Funny Looks
Speaking of the cold, is it really that
odd that one would don appropriate weather gear and go running in the middle of
January in Minnesota? I get the strangest looks from passersby when I run. They
look at me as if I’m insane to be out enjoying the fresh, crisp air, the sights
and sounds of snow-buffered streets, while they drive by bundled up in coats
and stifling car heat.
Granted, in light of item number four,
above, the heat is appealing, but the alternatives to running outside are
horrible. Running on a treadmill, mile after mile, while staring at an enthusiasm-numbing
movie on the computer screen while I pretend to enjoy myself is not what I was
cut out for. Human beings were not designed to run and get nowhere! No, I’ll take
the snow-flocked spruce trees, the flitting and flirting of chick-a-dees, the stunning flash
of a cardinal darting through the barren tree branches, the sparkly diamond-dust
snow-showers through the slanting afternoon sunset. Even the slushy piles of “snirt”
beat the treadmill’s track any day—well any day over 32 degrees (I’m not that
crazy!)
Number 2: High Cost of Veggies
It’s true, a handful of kale at the
grocery store is pretty affordable at $1.99 a bunch. But after 5 months of
daily harvesting from my garden –both green and fancy purple kale—that price
seems just a touch too high.
Of course I can’t blame the cost of
vegetables on my dropping weight, but since turning to conscience and intentional
eating, organic gardening has become a passion of mine. And besides the
low-cost of daily fresh veggies, the taste –after all the sweat and hard work—is
exquisite. And priceless, making the grocery stores’ prices even harder to
swallow.
Whereas shoving sugary doughnut holes in
my pie-hole whilst watching Biggest Loser requires zero investment of thought
or time, savoring a fresh, non-GMO, non-pesticide-ridden seven-ingredient salad (lettuce, spinach, kale, parsley,
basil, cucumbers, tomatoes) from the backyard requires planning, design,
preparation, building, and then—gardening. That’s a lot of thought, energy and
time! Be sure you have it available to invest if you decide to go this route to
get healthy!
(I should mention there were also sugar
snap peas and cherry tomatoes in last year’s garden, but they never made it
into the house—they were consumed on the spot by whomever was the one to first notice
them).
Number 1: Tick Tock
The number one disadvantage to losing
all this weight, ending the 10-year dependence on Prilosec and the four-year
CPAP experiment, weaning myself off the daily dose of the 3Cs (candy/cookies/cake), and trading that fix for the new addiction of running, is the incredible amount of time this lifestyle eats.
The time it takes to prep healthy food to
consume, not to mention healthy snacks to ensure no backsliding. The time
invested in the garden. The amount of time eaten away by running 15-20 miles a
week just to get a good runner’s high. The extreme amount of time it is still taking
to repair the model of healthy living for my 13-year-old son. It’s very
time-expensive.
But the time lost is what saddens me the
most. I wasted 40 plus years to realize this truth: nothing, NOTHING tastes as
good as being healthy feels. I waited until I was 48 effing years old to start
living!
But Wait, There’s More: Bonus
Disadvantage
This may be unsettling for some of you,
especially the ladies, but I would be remiss in full disclosure if I did not
reveal all the sundry inconveniences of weight loss. So turn away if the
subject of belly button fuzz bothers you.
It’s weird, I know, but I find I have
more naval fuzz than ever before. I’m not sure the cause, maybe it’s the
architecture of my smaller shirts—3XL down to XL—over my smaller belly, thus
rendering the fuzz fibers’ favorite gathering place more accessible?
I suppose it could be all the new shirts
– I rarely bought new ones when I was stuck at 3XL (especially since the 4XLs
that would have fit better cost so much more and were harder to find). I suppose the new ones by virtue of their being new and unwashed 1500 times might just posses more of the fuzz-making ingredients than my old ones.
Which brings up another thing, for the men, especially to consider: these
days I seem to actually enjoy clothes shopping more than say, eighty-nine pounds ago. I know, too much estrogen in the air from GMO soybeans or something.
