Liar!

When I first started losing pounds - after the first ten or twelve easy ones - I was amazed to find myself appreciating the "hunger pangs" I occasionally felt. They were honest; they were not a blood sugar crash precipitated by an unbalanced, crappy meal and an out of whack insulin response. Hunger was empowering and invigorating.

Hunger was an affirmation that I was accomplishing a long sought-after goal.

But I'm struggling these days - still healthier than ever, still running and training for a half-marathon (32 days and counting), still love seeing the thinner, vibrant face in the mirror - but damn I am slipping back into the old habit of kow-towing to my hunger!! The slightest twinge of hunger and I start thinking of food.

And of course work time is the worst time: even when I have healthy meals and healthy snacks available to me, I still manage to down a few handfuls of candy, a brownie...even a good old fashioned sugary Pepsi! The food culture where I work is very generous to a snack-junkie. It's a good thing I only work four days a week!

I'm even back to lying to myself: if I don't eat that extra piece of pizza now, I'm just going to get hungry later and eat twice as much. If I allow today to be a "treat day", I'll get back in gear tomorrow...or maybe the next day. Hell, it's the weekend, I'll get my focus back on Monday. A Snickers bar will make me feel all better after that last ugly phone call...blah, blah, effing blah.

Liar!
I want my focus back - NOW; I want to get back in gear - NOW; I want the good hunger pangs back, the ones I called my friends. I want the unerring strength and power those hunger pangs gave me, the feeling of subjugating a transient and false craving in service to a slimmer, stronger, healthier body.

I want to stop lying to myself and get back to fixing myself - inside and out.

Love That White Powder

No, that was 30 years ago. But the magnetism, the ability to damage my health, the ability to derail my life, and the loss of integrity and self-respect is the same.

This...

Sugar. I love it. I hate it. I hate to love it. And sometimes, it owns me.

It boggles my mind how I can be perfectly satisfied with a good, filling, healthy meal...and 5 minutes later start considering a visit to the candy machine at work. Maybe I'll have an apple or grapefruit instead. I love grapefruit. And then five minutes later...M&Ms? A Twix bar? Maybe a 4-pack of chocolate Zingers??

Hi, my name is Scott and I'm a sugar-addict. I let sugar control my life. I have even let it affect my health, my relationships, and my job.

My job is where the cravings hit most often. Which is a good indicator that it has nothing to do with hunger. It's the false sense of contentment, euphoria, and pleasure that comes with a mouthful of sugar. And it evaporates the second I'm back at my desk with phone ringing.

I need to work on this...and I know I can't do it alone. Help!