It happened yesterday, August 8, 2012, approximately 20 months since I took this health kick seriously: I met and in fact bested my goal of weighing 200 pounds. The scale read 199 in the bleary, early morning hours and I was thrilled to wakefulness. How did I celebrate this momentous occasion?
Of course I posted it on FaceBook – that’s what FB is for, right? Bragging?
And then I had a big sandwich at Riverview Café …and a brownie for dessert. And later I had 2 beers (Founder’s Centennial Dry-Hopped IPA and Sierra Nevada Ruthless Rye). For dinner I made Andrew and I (Minda was out for the evening) tacos – big fat soft tacos! And later he and I went to DQ for medium Chocolate Extreme Blizzards.
Yes…I really did this. This was no celebration – this was an orgy of self-sabotage! It was like I had been handed a credit card with no limit and no warnings. Only the credit card issuer was certainly going to come back to exact payment!
This morning the scale read 203!
Why did I do this? Why?
I’m not fixed yet. The truth is I doubt I will ever be fully fixed. This 40+ year love affair with over-eating and under-exercising is not going to let go of me after less than two years of healthy living. Perhaps another 38 years and I might have a handle on this. I’m willing to keep on keeping on!
I believe the “cure” if it can be called that is two-fold. The first part is easy, for me: my faith in God. He has shown me many miracles in my life, not least of which was resurrecting this body from the self-inflicted slow suicide to which I sentenced it. But simple faith that God has a plan for me – and it doesn’t involve premature death with an oversized ice cream spoon in my hand – is what makes it easy for me to believe He will keep on keeping on.
Regardless of where you stand spiritually, if you believe you or your doctor or your doctor's scalpel is going to fix you, I believe you are in for a big disappointment. You need help, you cannot do it yourself and the problem – whether it’s sugar addiction, pain from your past, low self-esteem, whatever – is bigger than you. You have to give the problem to Something bigger than you. And that requires faith in Something outside yourself.
And secondly, you need support from like-minded, positive, and strong fellow strugglers. Which is why I started this blog – hoping to build a website community that can provide support for me and for you. A place to call out successes and cry out for help.
A place to feel safe to admit, "I ate a brownie at lunch and a Blizzard at dinner."
